Heartache !

U will never know how pain my heart is ......
U will never know how hard I'm breathing now ......
U will never know how sad I m ......
U will never know how much my tear flow out ......

I'm useless !
I wish these 5 years will b passing very fast !
I feel very embarrassing for my job !
It's because I'm not a good nurse ! I can't perform well .

Now I understand , without u , my world is not meaningful at all !
Unhappy ! Lonely ! Sad ! Fear !
Dear ! I miss u :(

It's not my day !

Can I say today is not my day ?! Upset......in my working area :(
Today the XX assigned me to work in the single site . And she knew that I'm so junior unable to handle it instead of she are the most senior 1 and never in-charge of that site . Luckily have 1 SSN be my runner and help me a lots.
Today when my CNE and I went to take blood for 1 patient from the CVL line and the blood spread all over the body . Sorry ! It's my fault . And in the early morning my finger get needle prick injury because I re-cap the insulin needle after I drawn out the insulin . My finger get bleeding for such a long period and I can't stop my work because of this . I just reinforced by using the plasters.
Come to another story , I really hate this XX , she again assigned me to check controlled drugs in the morning . U know what ? My patient have Oxycontin 10 mg BD to be served . In the Cd cupboard totally empty for this medicine . I need to spend my time to go down to pharmacy to take this medicine. Nobody to help me even is the s**ter.My tears almost dropped out .
They also discovered not enough staff nurse in the PM shift . So u know the XX force me to do for double shift . I strongly refused ! Cibai u ! U are the one to assigned me to do all the tough things but still want me to do double shift ! What the hell la u ! I be nice to u but u like to see me suffer .
Sorry to said that S****** also not understanding for my side . So many peoples talking to me in the same times how am I respond to u ? Arhhhhhh ! Nursing is not my career . I don't have enough patience to face for all these things ! Upset !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want everyday go back home with the stress . Everytime I need to stay back to completed my job,I get tired ! Fed up okay !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Singapores' life 2011

For 1 year I never update my blog . Today tried and tried to open up , Yup ! I saw u Tan Kai Xin and you , Sook Yee ... Happy :)
My life here is suck ! I know it's my personality problem , I can't think positively . I miss KL , I miss my family , friends ...And , I miss him so much !!! I can't think away ! I miss every moments in KL .
My life here all about working . Wake up and go to work , after work go back and sleep . No friends here ! When I feel sad , stress , upset, I have no friend to express it out . How pain my heart is .
I hope these 5 years can be passing very fast ! I want to go back KL even S'pore are more peaceful and safety compare to KL . My tears are dropping out almost everyday .